Amig@s

Ahh! I have been sitting on this topic for at least a month now, unmotivated and embarrassed to finish it. Apologies in advance if this reads a bit like a primary schooler’s journal, but today I’m talking about that universal practice of making friends.

First, a little preamble (read: a lot). For someone who once listed ‘people’ as one of her top three passions in life (the others being music and language) in a scholarship application, I haven’t been all that outgoing over the last year. 2014 drove me into a state of hibernation, one in which I greedily guarded what scarce free-time I had as me-time. I guess it was what I thought I needed, but that doesn’t mean it was easy or fun for either me or my friends. When New Year's Day 2015 came around, however, I was ready to dive head-and-heart first into the Spanish culture and language; full of optimism, thirsty for knowledge, and itching to meet new people and try new things. Since then, I have tried to live by three golden rules: 1) Respect everyone, 2) Take risks and chances, and 3) Don’t regret not having done something. And they’ve served me pretty well so far.

Despite my previous post about feeling awkward in Spanish – which still stands – as a general rule, I’m not one to feel anxious over social interactions or meeting new people. And although I am independent and perfectly able – happy, even – to travel alone, reminiscing alone is not so fun, and memories unshared can quickly become memories forgotten. At the end of the day, I'm an extrovert, and am almost always happier around people. There's really nothing more enjoyable than the simple pleasure of being engrossed in conversation with a new acquaintance, sharing a moment of solidarity with a complete stranger, or laughing over nothing with your best friend. 

The thing is, making new friends can be serious hard work. If you’re lucky, the whole thing just happens naturally, and before you know it you’ve fallen into a steady rhythm of easy companionship. But for international students who find themselves in a situation where they don’t know anyone and have got to make friends ASAP, the need to forge bonds is more urgent and, as a result, forced, I feel. Unfortunately, unlike back in Sydney where there seems to be endless clubs, societies and events in which students (domestic and international alike) can get to know one another, in Spain (or at least at my university), there is nothing of the sort. What’s more, degrees here are far more specialised than in Australia, and students end up having class with more or less the same people each year, much like in high school. Needless to say, groups here are tight, although to be fair, one can hardly blame locals for not wanting to open up to yet another exchange student who’s just going to love them and leave them after a few months.

The overwhelming majority of friend-making opportunities, therefore, are restricted to Erasmus (the international student network) events. I’ll be honest; I’ve been avoiding these like the plague. I went to a couple of language exchanges to practice my Spanish, which were actually quite fun, but the parties (one of which had the slogan – I kid you not – ‘F*** me, I’m Erasmus’) just did not appeal. Perhaps my attitude towards the network is cynical and unwarranted, but either way I knew I was not going to let this be my one-and-only way of meeting new people. Hence I decided to cast my ‘friendship net’ out, for want of a better metaphor, make lots of acquaintances, and be patient.

The whole thing really is a lot like dating. I’ve met people through a whole array of sources – dance classes, on campus, MeetUp events, through mutual friends, and even, more recently, randomly in a café – but the process of actually becoming friends is usually the same. Meet new person, exchange numbers. Small talk, gauge interest level – be sure to use those emojis appropriately! Set up second meeting, and if it goes well, organise another. Et cetera. At first this ‘blind-dating’ style of making friends terrified me, but now I’m surprised by how easy it is, as long as both parties are open and willing. And this got me thinking: how many potential friendships do we let slip by in life, simply because we ‘have enough friends already’ (a common excuse for college kids like myself), are too lazy, shy, or suspicious to reach out, or are simply too stingy with time and/or money to grab a coffee after class? Or is it just me? I could kick myself thinking of all the missed opportunities – usually, I was just genuinely ignorant and didn’t even realise there was one. Even now I could list at least ten people with whom I could’ve become closer, had I viewed that acquaintance as a friend-in-the-making. For example; there was a Dutch exchange student in my Spanish class in first year (if you’re reading this Anthony – lo siento!). We got along really well and always had lots of fun in class, and yet afterwards I would always rush back to college for lunch, without ever thinking to invite him to coffee or a party at college. What kind of welcome was that to give to an international student?

If anyone except my Mum is reading – to what extent do you think this openness to new friendships is cultural? Or is it personal? Circumstantial? And to my international friends at Sydney Uni, what experiences have you had in class? Has it been easy to make friends (outside of college)? I don’t mean to sound like a Year 8 camp teamwork building exercise, but I’m genuinely curious!

Although I stopped blogging, I did not stop jotting down words and phrases in my little blue book, so here are a few:

“friki” / “geek” – ...or something similar, perhaps. I love learning words which can’t be found in the dictionary, and this one crops up so often that I’ve started using it too – although probably incorrectly! I’ve described myself as a “friki de lingüística/idiomas” (“linguistic/language nerd”) as way of explaining moments when I get a little too carried away explaining a linguistic phenomenon or practically flipping out over some cool new word in Spanish (especially calques, calques are the coolest). Yep, if you’re picturing me furiously writing in that little blue book over tapas or coffee, you’re spot on.

“empollón/ona” – My dictionary translates this as 'swot', but that's got to be British slang as I’ve never heard it before. That aside, based on the explanation I received in Spanish, I think the word means something similar to nerd, but with an extra teacher’s-pet, Hermione-Granger-style intensity. Unfortunately I’ve become borderline empollona in a couple of my classes, partly due to, well, see above, but also due to a fear Spaniards have – claims my professor – of “salir a la pizarra” (literally, “going up to the blackboard”, or speaking up in class).

 “tener morriña” / “to be homesick” – Now I’m not actually homesick, but this word – morriña, with its eñe and erre – is so delightful to say that I had to write it down. Of course there are some things I miss about home, like Thai food, cycling, and not having ingredients like tahini “me cuesta un riñón” (cost me a kidney ie. fortune), but I like to think six months in India made me pretty good at adjusting to change!

“el juernes” – This one requires an explanation rather than a translation. It’s a portmanteau word which combines jueves (Thursday) and viernes (Friday), as in Madrid, partying doesn’t wait until the weekend – you go out Thursdays, regardless of whether you have work or class the next day. I cracked up the first time I heard the word; while I myself can’t adjust to this custom, I think it’s absolutely brilliant that this tradition is so engrained in Madrileño culture that there even exists a word for it. Can't help but love language evolution!

Hope you're all well :) Hasta luego! Xx

Picnic on a gorgeous sunny day (in this photo it's sunset) at El Parque Quinta de los Molinos!