Eso es todo, amigos

As I'm writing this it’s New Year’s Eve – or Nochevieja, literally ‘old night’ – and therefore, I thought, as good a time as any for some end-of-year reflection. It also happens to be exactly one year since I arrived – alone, jet-lagged (no partying for me that nochevieja), and grinning ear-to-ear – to the beautiful and chaotic mess that is Spain.

2015 really has been an amazing and enriching experience, and I'm not just saying that because, well, that's what you say after a year abroad. The year wasn't everything I’d hoped or expected it to be, but that’s okay; in place of those unfulfilled expectations I got what I believe to be real cultural immersion, simply by letting Spain happen. And anyway, why would one even want to know what to expect out of an entire year of adventures in a new and unexplored place?

It’s funny how we set ourselves up for failure as far as regret is concerned: we write bucket lists, make Pinterest boards, set resolutions… all of which are great in principle but only serve to constantly remind us how much we have not achieved. This feeling is certainly not helped by the endless feed of perfectly crafted moments and stories we’re confronted with every time we open Facebook or Instagram. I get that we need lists and goals to keep us focused and motivated, I really do. (No really; I have my own embarrassingly over-researched Google Map of Madrid with over 200 colour-coordinated pins.) But what about a retrospective list? What about a list of all the great moments which just ended up happening, regardless of whether they were planned, photographed, or shared?

So this is my list; my little nod to 2015 to say “You were pretty great”.

I finally learnt another language, properly this time. Knowing how prone to regret I am, I made sure to get on that plane with only ONE non-negotiable goal: learn Spanish. That way, even when I succumbed to little bouts of regret or doubt, I knew I was ultimately succeeding in what I’d come to do. What’s more, favouring one goal over a huge bucket list ended up guiding a lot of my decisions and shaped my year in many simple yet crucial ways. It was what brought me to a house full of Spaniards, what deterred me from going to international parties, what forced me to choose tricky linguistic subjects in Spanish second semester, and what encouraged me to go to so many language exchanges. Above all else, learning Spanish simply enabled me to connect more; as a people person, nothing gave me more joy than gradually being able to unlock more and more different social situations as my fluency improved. Although I may not have recognised it at the time, these little peeks into Spanish life flavoured my year and shaped it into the immersive experience that it was.

I didn't travel as frequently as most exchange students – finance was obviously a factor, as well as my desire to really get to know my own little corner of Spain – but when I did I made it count. During the summer break I travelled a bit of Eastern Europe by myself, before meeting up with my family for Norway and northern Spain. I also went on day hiking and sightseeing trips near Madrid, spent a week camping at a Spanish musical festival, and celebrated Easter with Álvaro's family on their farm. I truly believe travelling is about the little things, but if I had to pick highlights, they would be: hiking, cycling, and lakeside picnicking with fellow backpackers in Slovenia, possibly the most gorgeous and underrated country I have ever been; reuniting with my childhood best friend Tara after three years and wandering, cycling and swimming all over Mljet Island in Croatia, talking non-stop for five days; strolling through the magical village of Albarracín in Spain with my new friend Colleen; meeting cool people in Zadar, Croatia and watching the sunset every evening from the sea organ; and snow-shoeing on Folgefonna Glacier in Norway on a beautiful summer’s day.

Don’t get me wrong, I had my lazy weeks, filled with too much routine and not enough adventure. I remember my first few months here though, when I threw myself at every opportunity, pushing myself to take chances I normally wouldn't. Not every chance paid off, but some led to new friendships, unique cultural experiences, and memorable adventures. The best bit was realising how easy carpe diem really is; it’s really just about saying yes. Okay so I had some shitty times, some lonely times, some times when I was saying no left right and centre and as a result probably missed out on a million great opportunities and interactions. But the beautiful thing about seizing the day is that every time you do it, you are rewarded, regardless of how many days, weeks or months you may have wasted by saying no.

This time last year I was eager to leave 2014 and Australia behind, to focus on ‘getting back to being me’ (whatever that means), to have fun, to try new things, and to get rid of all the negativity I had allowed to build up inside of me. Would calling 2015 my ‘Detox Year’ be a little too dramatic? Quite possibly. But in all honesty, as isolating as being away from everything and starting afresh was at times, it forced me to think out some of the bigger issues (future! identity! relationships!) and gain some clarity on who I am and where I want to take things from here.

I will miss this country and its beautiful people; I have never felt as homesick for Australia as I know I will for Spain. But perhaps it is because Spain feels like home now that I am ready to move on. Even though the next adventure seems, on paper, all-too-familiar – inner-west Sydney, university, Australian culture, old friends and family – I'm still incredibly excited. I'm looking forward to the beautiful weather, going on a kayak trip with Dad, bumping into people I know on campus, bushwalking with friends, and even (oklet’sbehonestespecially) returning to my true nerdy self in Linguistics. And, of course, all the wonderful surprises that I know 2016 will throw at me as I go along.

"Estoy más a gusto que un arbusto" / "I'm more at ease/content than a bush" - ...or something along those lines, obviously the Spanish has more of a ring to it because of the rhyming! Manu taught me this one a few months back at home, and it quickly went on the la pizarra (the whiteboard) of new phrases. I'm not sure what I love more; the ridiculous imagery of a bush being 'at ease', or the knowledge that the strange English translation is exactly the kind of silly thing my friends Melissa, Adrienne and I would have said during high school.

"escoba" / "broom" - Couldn't for the life of me remember this simple word until I started reading Harry Potter in Spanish, which I am really enjoying. Other useful additions to my vocab include "varita" (wand), "las mazmoras" (the dungeons), and "Señor Tenebroso" (the Dark Lord)!

"De perdidos al río" / literally "From lost to the river" - Love this expression! It's another one of those phrases which simply doesn't translate, but because it's so common in Spanish, I've heard on several occasions its literal translation from Spaniards speaking English. From what I can gather it means something like 'having gone this far, may as well go all in', somewhat similar to "In for a penny, in for a pound".

Although I have a dozen half-written entries which I would love to finish one day, this will probably be my last post. Thanks to everyone who read my entries and sent me messages with encouragement and comments, it really meant a lot and made writing so enjoyable :) Hasta luego! Xx

El Palacio Real on a gorgeous sunny day trip to Aranjuez

Snow-shoeing on the Folgefonna Glacier in Norway!

Maybe not the most attractive photo, but what the hell: me in Salamanca after spending an awesome weekend with my housemate Ana's family in Valladolid